Malcolm O. Munro - The "Career Fitness" Coach

Dealing with Bad Bosses: The Screamer

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We're in our second week of figuring out how to deal with bad bosses.  This week's culprit is the screamer.

Screamers fly off the handle at the slightest provocation.  Why?  Their anger is an emotional response to outward stimuli.  It’s a fancy way of saying people get ticked off when actions fail to meet expectations.  According to Daniel Goleman, the “guru” of Emotional Intelligence, our brains are open systems, which, unlike our circulatory system that flows in a continuous loop, take in outside information and process it. 

What does this mean?

If you can’t manage anger, it just grows.  This is why  rage escalates.  Your only hope is to get out of the way until it subsides.  Angry people are irrational. Irrational people can’t be reasoned with. Your rational response will only put fuel on the fire. 

Don’t:

• Attempt to calm them down
• Rationalize with them
• Argue or further provoke them
• Take a swing at them

Do:

• Keep your cool
• Make a conscious effort to control your own response
• Wait for the right moment to revisit the issue when they’ve calmed down

In some ways, this boss is the most dangerous because their anger can provoke ours.  Keep in mind that positionally, they outrank you so your response will probably lead to the demise of your tenure at the company.  If screamer behavior is causing you undue stress that's affecting your personal and physical well-being, it might be time to find a new position.

If there is good news here, I think it's that screamers become caricatures and what they do to motivate simply makes them look foolish.  Still intimidating, but foolish.  They will never be seen as a leader. 

Dealing with Bad Bosses: The Unpredictable Time Bomb

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There you are, busy at work when your boss appears.  He begins yelling at you in front of everyone about your missed deadline.  His insults then turn personal.  You feel your blood pressure rising and muscles tightening.  As he moves into your personal space, you smell his bad breath and cheap aftershave.  He then grins and he hurls one last insult.  That’s all it takes – you shove him down and proceed to kick his head in like a watermelon, the cheers of your coworkers rising in the background.

Well that’s what you wanted to do anyway wasn’t it?  Most likely you slinked back to your cube, head down with your tail between your legs. 

This week the mailbag was full of questions on how to deal with bad bosses.  For the next several weeks, I'm going to answer them and give you some suggestions on how to deal with your bad boss.  This week's question comes from Carrie F. from Bowie, MD.

Dear Coach,
My boss is evil.  I never know what he's up to until he blows up at me.  Then he slinks back to his office like nothing's happened.  We can't stand his unpredictability.  None of us knows what he'll do next but we all feel very uncomfortable.

Carrie, I call bosses like yours the Unpredictable Time Bomb.

The scariest thing about these tyrants is their unpredictability. It’s like the sudden air pocket drop you experience on a calm airline flight.  Worse, they can shift mood right before your eyes after drawing you into their comfort zone, dropping the hammer on you when you least expect it.  The Time Bomb also exhibits a talent for hitting your with rage and insults while smiling.  I once worked for a boss who smiled all the time.  The only way you knew he was about to explode was when his face turned red and he began to rapidly grind his front teeth, all while still smiling.  He reminded me a little of the rather disturbing Burger King King. 

To deal with the Time Bomb, you’ll have to carefully study them.

Don’t:

• Turn your back on them – always be wary

• Be taken in by their sometimes charming behavior

Do:

• Respond to everything they say and do to you with caution

• Observe their behavior – watch for things that seem to trigger them

• See if patterns develop – are you doing something unconsciously that sets them off?

Remember, even in tough economic times, it's sometimes better to quit your boss than to put up with unhealthy behavior.  Use your HR Department if need be.  At the end of this series, I'll give you some very clear steps to take when trying to handle ALL bad bosses.

When this recession or whatever it's called is over, people will be leaving their companies in droves.  It's happened after every economic downturn and will happen again.  The bad bosses will get theirs and then some. 

How to be an INTRAprenuer

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Last week I showed you how to add value (and job security) to yourself by learning how to solve four types of problems.  Hopefully you've had a chance to put some of that knowledge to use.

This week we want to focus on helping your organization make money.

You've probably heard of entrepreneurs.  These are people who start their own businesses, often at great risk, for the reward of having control and being able to make dreams come true.  Entrepreneurs (and I know this from being one) are forced to think critically about every dollar that's spent and make the most of each opportunity to try and make money. 

Even if you're not up for this rollercoaster ride, you can still use principles we use and become an INTRApreneur!  I know that terms sounds weird, but it makes total sense.  To add value, you have to think of your organization as YOUR company.  Here are some suggestions to get your INTRApreneurial spirit engaged: 

1. Look for new markets.  Think of this company as your own. If you can't see opportunities coming down the road, your company can go bust.  This is your chance to do some networking and prospecting on behalf of your company. 
2. Establish networks.  Let people know where your work and what you do.  Think of ways to find common connections with everyone you meet.  Show them that your company is one they should do business with.
3. Think of office resources as your own.  In my home office, I count paperclips, paper, and other office supplies.  I have to pay for these so I control their use.  It comes right off my bottom line.  I know the temptation to leave with little things from your office, but remember, it comes off YOUR bottom line.  Protect your office from this kind of innocent pilferage.
4. Come up with a constant stream of innovative ideas.  In the old days, new ideas were probably swept under the rug or stolen by other office mates.  Nowadays, your ability to come up with a creative idea may save your company from going under.  This isn't the time to play games.  Make sure you communicate with everyone above you if you have a great idea.

I know these seem like they should be the responsibility of someone else, but if your own job security is on the line, don't you think you might want to step up?  Remember, job security is never a guarantee with the same company, but if you can do the four steps above, you'll learn some powerful techniques that will make any organization a success. 

And who knows, maybe someday that business you're protecting will be your own!

How to Have Job Security for Life

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It seems as though each week the economic news gets worse.  The unemployment numbers continue to rise as the news from Wall Street worsens.  More and more of my clients are beginning to question their own job security.  Everyone wants to know if their position is safe.

With that in mind, I thought I'd put together a mini-series on how to have job security for life.

Now I know that sounds a little over-the-top.  Perhaps you'd expect to hear a statement like that from TV pitchman Billy Mays who pitches must-have products like Steam Buddy and the Hercules Hook.  

It's really not though.  Having job security for life means that no matter what the circumstance, you'll either be retained in your current position or be extremely marketable for other positions.  Let me give you an example.

Let's say the New York Yankees ownership made a few too many bad investments on Wall Street and wound up completely bankrupt.  If the team needed to be disbanded, how long before Derek Jeter, Alex Rodriguez, and a host of other superstars from the Yankees found other teams to pick them up?  Not very long.  And here's the reason.  It's not because they played for the storied Yankees, it's because they perform at a superstar level for the Yankees.

You too can be seen in that same category.  The key is to continually add value to your organization.  You do that in 3 ways:

• Solve problems
• Help the organization make money
• Get along well with others

It's simple stuff.  You do that on a continual basis and continue to grow and progress professionally and you'll have job security for life! 

Now the big question is HOW?

Over the next few weeks, I'll give you simple steps to follow that will help you grow your self and your career to superstar status.  All you have to do is implement to process.  Do we have a deal?

Independence Day 2008

This weekend we celebrate the 32nd birthday of the United States.  Although not the official birthdate of the U.S., the 4th of July is traditionally recognized as the BIG DAY.

Most of us now make a brief reference to Independence Day, then move into full BBQ and fireworks mode while enjoying a 3-day weekend, the only holiday between Memorial Day and Labor Day.  For work-weary Americans, this is a long dry spell for holidays.

Hopefully you're well-versed in the history of the U.S., the War for Independence, and all those famous people who signed the official Declaration of Independence.  No doubt there are some who have no clue why people ask for their John Hancock on a document they need to sign (FYI, Hancock's signature is the biggest one on the document) so perhaps it might be a good idea to crack open a history book.  That's not my focus here however.

The U.S. craved independence from a tyrannical British rule.  Freedom as you've heard isn't free, but it sure feels good!  This year, why not take a look at some of the baggage you're carrying around that you'd like some independence from?  Here are some of the most common:

• A bad job
• No job
• Unhealthy addiction
• Difficult relationships
• Poor spending habits
• Anger
• Bitterness
• Negativity
• Apathy
• Malaise
• Poor diet
• Lack of exercise
• Low job skills
• Bad habits

This July 4th, why not declare your own independence from some of the conditions above?  Every one of us could use some freedom from that baggage.  If you look at it this way, you have an opportunity now for a clean slate much like we think of on January 1.  I can personally identify a few on the list I'm going to declare independence from.  How about you?

Success Principle #10: Don't Quit

We're finally at the end of my series of 10 Principles of Success.  I think we saved the best for last, but as a reminder, let's take a look at the previous 9:

1. Define Success
2. Dream Big
3. Set Good Goals
4. Let Go of Assumed Constraints
5. Commit to Continuous Learning
6. Expand Your Network
7. Get Better
8. Create Your Own Luck
9. Go Full Speed

The last principle is for anyone who has found early frustration in life:

• Rod Stewart made a living digging graves in London before switching to a career in music. His early years with traveling through Europe with folk singer Wizz Jones in the early 1960s eventually found him deported from Spain for vagrancy.
• Michael Dell, founder and chairman of Dell Computer Corp., spent time working for $2.30 per hour as a dishwasher in a Chinese restaurant.
• Sylvester Stallone, voted “Most Likely to End Up in the Electric Chair” by his high school      classmates, was once employed by the zoo to clean out the lion cages.
• Abraham Lincoln suffered from a lack of formal education, bouts of depression, and constant early failures, only to emerge as one of the greatest leaders of all time.
• Harland Sanders, the famous cook and entrepreneur, came back from financial ruin at the age      of 66 with just $105.00 in his pocket. He spent two years marketing his recipe and business model and on the 1,099^th time he made his pitch, finally got a taker, which resulted in the KFC that we know and love today.

Each of the people above embody my last principle of success:  Never Quit!

All of us have experienced failure.  It’s inevitable.  Failure is even more likely if we continue to try new things and become more determined to achieve our goals. Failure can eventually paralyze us if we let it.  Soon, we’ll quit trying something new.  Worse, we’ll begin quitting things we’re already doing.  Before you know it, the slippery slope of failure will turn us into wallowing wimps, content only to complain about what we don’t have and become envious of those who seem to have everything.

Don’t let it happen to you! All the celebrities mentioned above worked beyond theirs and society’s expectations of them.  It doesn’t matter where you start, only how you make the best of what you have and finish in a better place.

This week, if you start facing failure, quit doing the "self-fulfilling prophecy" thing and change your mindset.  If you can't possibly figure out that math problem, get help and get it done.  If you think you'll fail if you go in to ask your boss for a raise, get in there and do it anyway.  There are plenty of people who will tell you to quit.  Hang around with those who tell you it can be done.

The 10 Principles to Create Breakthrough in your Personal and Professional Life can now be found in my new book Endeavor to Persevere.  If you found this series helpful, I'd encourage to got right now to my website and pick up a copy!  If you know someone who needs some breakthrough in their life right now, why not get them a resource.

Life is too short to consistently fail.  Take the 10 principles above and put them to work in your life!

The Seductive Power of Misery

This past week I taught a class on writing performance self-assessments to a group of Department of Defense civilians and military folks to prepare them for evaluation under the National Security Personnel System (NSPS) which is now in full swing.  Now I've worked a lot with these audiences over the past few years and have yet to teach a group where they don't spend at least an hour expressing their distaste with the new system.  Their complaints most often focus on the perceived unfairness, the potential to get screwed over, and more or less the helplessness they feel as the system continues to unfold. This week's groups were no exception.  Fortunately, the course I was teaching showed them how much power they indeed had through the use of jointly set up (with their supervisor) job objectives and the added benefit of being able to write a detailed self-assessment of their performance.  As the course went on, they began to see how much control they did had and by the end of each day everyone left with a new-found confidence and even a bit of enthusiasm.  Well almost everyone.

I can't explain this, but it seems to me there are some folks who find a sense of comfort in a system where they're feeling victimized.  The lack of control they feel gives them comfort and also a license to complain and excuse away any poor performance.  Now let me say this isn't everyone, just a select few.  Frankly, I don't know how a person could live like this, but then again that's just me.

Maybe I just find comfort in focusing on the things I CAN control and not dwelling on all the things I can't.  In a strange way, that's probably the most significant power any of us have.  We can't control the attitudes who evaluate us, but we sure as heck can do the best job we can and seek out more responsibility to increase our value.  We can't control the price of gas as it goes over $4.00 per gallon, but we can opt to drive less, carpool more, and re-evaluate our driving habits.  We can whine to each other, or we can take the time to express our displeasure to someone who might have more power to effect change, like our elected officials.  No matter what you may think, you have control.  At a minimum, you control your attitude.  Optimism is a choice.  Joy is a conscious decision.  Love is a commitment.  If you think about it, we are far more powerful and in control than we think.  Those positive qualities are contagious.  Just as misery loves company, joy is seductive and attracts both the joyous and the dejected.  Fortunately, joyousness and thankfulness reap a far more positive outcome for all who choose to move toward it.

This week, why not take the opportunity to wield some real power?  Focus on what you can change and let others who are drawn to misery take your  "junk" from you!  I think it's a much healthier way to live, don't you?

Learning to Manage Frustration

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This past week I had coffee with a client who is wrestling with a decision on whether or not to leave the job she currently has.  The job pays well and yet there are some things that simply don't work well for her there.  In the end, she will probably stay, as least until the current economic situation improves, but one thing she told me really got me thinking.  She told me that in spite of the situation, she would just learn to manager her frustration.

I had never heard that term before, but it makes total sense.  Manage my frustration.

Management is the science of putting order into chaos.  The early management theorists like Frederick Taylor even went so far as to measure hand placement on the shovels of coal miners to maximize efficiency.  Management is man's attempt to take the unwieldy and unknown and make it adaptable.  Managing frustration then is the art of leveraging what we don't enjoy into a useful tool.

Another way to look at it would be to think that frustration is the result of dealing with an outcome other than what we really want or need to happen.  If that's the case, then we need to develop an action plan to let change the current situation into the ideal.  The alternative is to bitch and moan about our predicament.  To do that, I have several suggestions:

1. Focus on the goal. If you've developed your Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) and you're on track to get it, think about the current situation in light of that.  If it's getting up up the mountain toward the goal, change your opinion of the current situation and view it as useful.
2. Learn from it.  Every difficult person or situation that's put in our life has the potential to make us grow.  While some of the things I experienced in my Naval career frustrated me, they all were shaping forces that allow me to be successful today, both in what I do and the audience I do it for.
3. Coach others through the process. No doubt someone will come along side you to give you a hand during tough times.  You should do the same.  If you've been able to manage frustration well, those coping skills should be taught to someone else.  It's also a great way to get the focus off yourself and get you helping your friends and neighbors. 

We were never promised a life without some frustration.  There will always be something standing in the way of our success and happiness.  Take some time this week to develop strategies to get you through those tough periods and you'll find the lessons you learned from frustration will become building blocks to future success.

Success Principle #5: Commit to Continuous Learning

For the past month or so, we've been focusing on 10 Principles for Personal and Professional Success. So far, we've discovered that in order to be successful, we have to define success, have big dreams, set good goals, and to let go of assumed constraints.  This week, let's focus on personal growth.

What have you done in the past 12 months to learn a new skill, add a new technique, or master a new trade?  What was the last book you read? (trashy novels don't count)  Have you taken a class, listened to a motivational or educational CD, or sat in a professional development workshop?  If not, why?

Your mind is like a muscle.  If you don't use it, expect atrophy.  Let me give you a personal example. 

Back in 1985, I came back home on leave from overseas where I was stationed while in the Navy.  I was helping my dad clear out some junk in the attic when I came across a box of old school papers from my senior year in High School.  As I read through them, it was almost as if they were written by someone else.  I was amazed!  It was hard to believe I wrote those papers.  Then I took a good look at what I was doing currently.  Working, partying, and little else.  My brain had atrophied to the point where I felt lazy and bored.  Frankly, I was disgusted with myself.  When I returned from leave, I went to the Navy Campus office on base and signed up for my first college class - Introduction to Physics.  It was a tough class, but by reengaging my dormant brain cells,  I was able to turn it around and got an "A".  I celebrated that achievement and kept going.  Eventually, I worked my way up to a Master's Degree going to school in the evenings and on weekends. It was a personal victory and one I've never forgotten. 

Throughout life, we face competition on all fronts.  It may be to get a great job, keep a great job, or get a promotion in that great job.  If we want to be a great athlete, teacher, parent or partner, we still face that same competition from peers, neighbors, friends, and others.  No matter what we do, professional development can help.  Fortunately, we live in an age where information is readily available.  There's no excuse for not learning something new each day.  It just takes a commitment to get it done. 

This week, think about making your professional development a daily habit.  It can start small and if you stick with it, I promise it will become part of your daily routine.  If you talk to my dad, you'd swear he has a PhD.  Actually, he has a high school diploma supplemented with years of studying the dictionary.  Having command of the spoken or written word is a great start!  Make it a point to learn a new word each day. If you need help, sign up to get a new word emailed to you each day at Merriam-Webster Online.  Next, pick up a book and read for one hour a day.  If a book seems a little intimidating, try a Reader's Digest magazine.  You'll get a wide variety of topics that are practical and relevant.  Maybe a book on tape or on your iPod would get you started.  When your confidence is up and your brain in a little better shape, sign up for a college course.  Many community colleges offer workforce education programs that are less intimidating than a standard course.  Get started there and move toward taking regular courses for a degree or certification.  Before you know it, you'll approach life, work, and relationships with more confidence.

I'm passionate about this only because I've personally experienced the benefits. Please take some steps this week to add professional development into your routine!

Success Principle #4: Let Go of Assumed Constraints

Have you ever been to the circus and seen the elephants standing in the paddock?  Most often you'll find them shackled on one leg and connected to a post in the ground.   I don't know about you, but it seems to me if that 19,000 lb elephant was ticked off enough, it could yank that stump out of the ground and come after you.

But it doesn't.  Do you wonder why?

Most likely, when that elephant was very young, somebody shackled it the very same way onto a stump in the ground.  Not knowing any better, that elephant yanked and pulled against it, causing that shackle to cut into its leg.  Because an elephant never forgets, it realized the pain would be there no matter how big and strong it grew.  Consequently, as an adult, it no longer pulls against the chain.  We call that phenomenon an Assumed Constraint.

Assumptions can be dangerous - particularly if we make them without current data.  If we listen to them, we'll think of every good reason why we won't succeed.  Assuming we can't get past a sticking point in our life guarantees we won't, no matter how hard we try.  Henry Ford knew this principle when he penned his oft-quoted line "If you think you can or can't, you're right."

Assumed constraints begin subtly enough. We make an attempt at something and fail.  Then we begin to identify the reasons.  After gathering that data, we start looking at the causes and most often link that to a previous failure we, or someone close to us, experienced.  Before long, we start justifying that failure and immediately lower our expectations and goals.  Why keep trying if I (or someone I love) tried and failed too?  Not everyone can be successful or wealthy.  Somebody has to finish in second place.  Maybe I shouldn't expect too much, that way I won't be disappointed. 

What a bunch of crap!

Who says you can't achieve that goal?  Why CAN'T you finish in first place, get that dream job, or earn that college degree?  We spend so much time justifying our failures that we leave no time to build the knowledge or skills to achieve the goal!  This world is filled with so much opportunity yet most people give up way too early.

This week, why not take some time to look at every piece of negative self-talk that goes through your head or leaves your lips.  Instead of telling yourself why you can't, try asking yourself how you will.  Life is too short to fritter it away with a bunch of regrets.  I'm up for some real success this year.  I hope you are too!